I just got this via email and it’s really funny in both a sick and cute sort of way (if you can imagine marrying the two):
Anyone want some soup?
I realize it’s been ages since I posted and I apologize, but I’ve taken on more than I can handle lately so my blogs are the unwitting victims. But here’s a joke that gave me a chuckle that I thought I’d share:
Don’t Leave ‘Em Hanging
Ralph and Edna were both patients in a mental hospital.
One day while they were walking past the hospital swimming pool, Ralph suddenly jumped into the deep end. He sank to the bottom of the pool and stayed there. Edna promptly jumped in to save him. She swam to the bottom and pulled Ralph out.
When the Head Nurse became aware of Edna’s heroic act she immediately ordered her to be discharged from the hospital, as she now considered her to be mentally stable.
When she went to tell Edna the news she said, “Edna, I have good news and bad news. The good news is you’re being discharged; since you were able to rationally respond to a crisis by jumping in and saving the life of another patient, I have concluded that your act displays sound mindedness. The bad news is, Ralph, the patient you saved, hung himself with his bathrobe belt in the bathroom. I am so sorry, but he’s dead.”
Edna replied “He didn’t hang himself. I put him there to dry. How soon can I go home?”
For my serious municipal election post, head on over to Limes with Orange. But for a little humour at our incumbent’s expense, you’re in the right place:
Over at my confined space, there’s a post with series of four images that depict what your choice of internet browser says about your personality. One for Firefox with extensions, one for Firefox without extensions, one for Opera and one for Internet Explorer. I use Opera the most and when Opera won’t work I use Firefox with extensions, so these are my images:
To check out the images for the other browsers, head on over to the internet browser post.
A friend of mine emailed me a bunch hilarious cat photos that I thought I would share. There’s the “invisible” series:
Then the Star Wars tribute:
Here’s one that reminds me of my cat Tobiano who loves to perch on my very narrow headboard:
And finally one that made me actually laugh out loud:
I hope you get as much of a chuckle from them as I did! And you can find plenty more photos like these over at I Can Has Cheezburger.
A group of Newmarket residents came across the two elephants, escapees from the circus, around 3 a.m. yesterday, resulting in the following call to 911:
Caller: “Hi. Umm… we’ve found an elephant walking down the street near the community centre, the Ray Twiney.
Caller: “We’ve found an elephant walking down the street. Like the ones from, like, the circus at the Ray Twiney Centre. One of them got loose and it’s walking down the street.”
For the full story or to listen to the 911 call and subsequent police dispatch, head over to the Globe & Mail.
A practical joke that’s actually worth watching:
Okay, so this is really more chicken jokes but I just finished playing an episode of You Don’t Know Jack where they asked, “Suppose a giant space monster comes along and decides to eat Earth. Once he pleels offf the crust, what sounds will he make as he eats through the mantle, the outer core and the inner core?” The answer was, “crunch, slurp, crunch” and then they added, “and it tastes like chicken.”
But I digress. Let’s ask some more folks why the chicken crossed the road:
George Orwell: Because the government had fooled him into thinking that he was crossing the road of his own free will, when he was really only serving their interests.
Colonel Sanders: I missed one?
Albert Einstein: Whether the chicken crossed the road or the road crossed the chicken depends upon your frame of reference.
The Sphinx: You tell me.
Emily Dickinson: Because it could not stop for death.
Dr. Seuss: Did the chicken cross the road? Did he cross it with a toad? Yes the chicken crossed the road, but why he crossed, I’ve not been told!
For even more chickens crossing even more roads, head back over to Insane Random Ramblings. Enjoy!
I’m lucking out with blogs all over the place today. Insane Random Ramblings (dontcha just love the name?!) has multiple “responses” to the chicken riddle, depending on the “responder.” A few of my faves:
Pat Buchanan: To steal a job from a decent, hard-working American.
Thomas de Torquemada: Give me ten minutes with the chicken and I’ll find out.
Richard M. Nixon: The chicken did not cross the road. I repeat, the chicken did not cross the road.
Jerry Seinfeld: Why does anyone cross a road? I mean, why doesn’t anyone ever think to ask, “What the heck was this chicken doing walking around all over the place anyway?”
Dirk Gently (Holistic Detective): I’m not exactly sure why, but right now I’ve got a horse in my bathroom.
The last one is my favourite. If you don’t know who Dirk Gently is, I highly recommend that you read Dirk Gently’s Holistic Detective Agency by Douglas Adams (of Hitchhiker’s Guide fame).
I came across this highly amusing list on My Thought, Ideas and Ramblings. Here are a few of my favourites:
Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet?
Why doesn’t glue stick to the bottle?
Whose idea was it to put an “S” in the word “lisp”?
Why does Superman stop bullets with his chest, but ducks when you throw a revolver at him?